Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Monday, September 12, 2011

oops, i did it again

Remember das boot?

And the lesson I wanted to pass on to you?

Yea, I haven't quite learned it yet.

Yesterday, I sang the Brahms piece in both Sunday services for a remembrance of 9-11 on its tenth anniversary. Our little choir had worked very hard on it, and for some reason, the music just looked foreign during first service, even though we had just had a really good last rehearsal of it prior to that service. I wasn't the only one who had that experience. Our RE director (an alto) remarked between services that she had the same experience. In that conversation, she mentioned that it seemed the person who was supposed to lead the youth group during second service was not there yet. I replied, I'd be happy to go over there after we sang in the early part of the second service. The middle school leader was happy to get them started in the discussion, but had her own class to cover.

Second service's rendition of the Brahms went much much better. It was beautiful.

Then I trotted over to the other building, stopping at my van to switch from the cute new heels (first pair I've worn in ages because the ankle finally felt like I could for a few hours) into my everyday flipflops.

Funny enough, I did great in the heels. I owned those sassy little pointy burgundy fake alligators.

Well, I got all the way to the other building, across a lovely grassy field peppered with spiky horse chestnuts to discover that the scheduled youth leader was there after all. I made a cheerful speedy exit to head back and join Honey for one of his rare appearances, having brought the kids for second service while I was on choir duty since earlier in the morning.

Just as I stepped onto the grass from that little parking lot, my ankle collapsed under me. I dropped and rolled, purse flying, travel mug of tea arching in a totally different direction. I remember a thought process along the line of I better just go with this, because if I try to fight it, I'll re-injure the inside tendon.

I found myself lying in the grass, assessing damages and and realizing first, I was covered in yard scrap, there goes the outfit (I'm not much of a fashionista, but dang it, I'd put in some effort that morning), and then the pain kicked in. I had saved the tendon, but the entire rest of my foot was taking my breath away, briefly. Then I looked around for someone to laugh this off with, and discovered, not a single person had seen my stupendous pratfall. It was youtube worthy - an AFV winner.Then I wondered if I can or should get up and walk. Yes, I actually thought, I've fallen and I can't get up! I did get up, but maybe I shouldn't have.

The choir director and a smattering of choir members were chatting in the lobby as I hobbled back in the door. I confirmed, no one saw a thing. I went in to service, and joined Honey in the back row. Next thing I knew, choir director was leaning into the sanctuary to hand me an ice pack. He's also a kids' soccer coach, he knows about first aid.

Well, after service, we hung around for a bit, I chatted with another mom at the playground, who is also my belly dance teacher, and then we got into the two separate vehicles to head home. I did think briefly about having Mr. Cynic drive the van home, but he's not comfortable on the main roads yet. So I drove wincing all the way home, stopping and hopping for gas. Only Captain Comic joined me for the ride in Bertha.

I put my foot up when we got home and took some naproxen with the sandwich that Mr. Cynic made for me. A couple of hours later, bruising and inability to walk finally made me admit the need to go to Urgent Care, while Honey called me a wuss and Captain Comic slapped him upside the head for the name-calling. Note to self: quit joking like that with the literal kid.

After a few hours there with Honey, and two rounds of xrays, I walked out with a latex free wrap, latex free crutches, and having given my info and Mr. Cynic's to the xray tech because her son is a 16 year old drummer looking for a band, and mine is a bassist and songwriter whose band never gets together to rehearse. But they go to rival high schools, so we'll see what comes of that. I also walked out with orders to get back in das boot and see my podiatrist (the one who gave me the steroid shot back in June). Oh, and  diagnosis of spraining all the ligaments across my metatarsals and a possible break in the second metatarsal.

I twisted that ankle like a pro. I do it often enough. I broke the 5th metatarsal doing so in three inch Mia clogs back in 1980 in my high school's linoleum hall.

I think I just have to admit, that with all of the mayhem that is built into my life with three spread out kids, one with Asperger's, and my attempts to write, take care of myself, help others out, like being in rotation as a youth leader, being in choir, etc, that adding something on the fly, literally takes me down for the count, and beyond.

My appointment with the podiatrist is in a couple of hours. Thanks goodness he could squeeze me in. I hope he doesn't have the same results from spontaneity as I do.



Wednesday, August 24, 2011

that kid's got talent

Please click to blow up. It's worth it, really. 


It also grows funnier, the expressions more distinct the more I look at it. 

In the words of King Crimson, The more I look at it...The more I like it. I do think it's good.


*As I proudly showed the kid that he was getting laughs all over various places, he admitted he riffed it from a 'Cyanide & Happiness' strip.



Saturday, June 18, 2011

new fave thing & convo with the captain




Captain Comic: How'd they DO that?
Mom: I don't know, but it's really creative and innovative, don't you think?
Capt. Comic: But how did they do it? Did they like draw it with a stick burning into the toast?
Mom: The images are so consistent from one piece of toast to the other, I wonder if they have some kind of a stamp thing they add lines of something to, and heat up to burn into the toast...
Captain Comic: That wastes a huge amount of toast!
Mom (falls over laughing)

Saturday, June 4, 2011

in preparation

I spoke with Captain Comic this morning about the fact that his sixth grade Family Life class is coming up next week. I just wanted to give him a heads up.

Mom: Hey, kiddo, C'mere a minute.
Capt. Comic: What?
Mom:  Do you know your Family Life class is coming up this week?
Captain Comic: Yea. Wait, what's that?
Mom: They're going to talk to you about sex.
Capt. Comic(face screws up in creepy disgust): Ew. You mean they're going to tell us how to have S-E-X?
Mom: Not like that...
Capt. Comic: Wait, don't you have to be... (puts hand over mouth, screws up face more, barely whispers): naked?! Like the woman goes on...
Mom: Stop right there! (because can see he's trying to picture it) They're going to talk about the science of your body going through puberty, and a girl's body...
Capt. Comic: EW!!! (runs away) I'm adopting all my people!




Saturday, May 28, 2011

saturday morning convo

Grandma, Honey and I volunteer for the Virginia Arts Festival. Last night in Williamsburg, we ushered for a concert of Chick Corea and Gary Burton. Absolutely outstanding show, I was mesmerized. So was Honey. These are giants of jazz, for those who don't know. Honey and I had to educate a few of the other volunteers a little bit about who these musicians were. I forget sometimes that while there are some people who are absolutely fanatical about jazz - like one guy I saw keeping set lists, there are many more who have never dipped their toes in that syncopated water. Honey and I fall somewhere between those extremes, a little closer to the fanatics.

So while all three adults of the house were in Williamsburg, Mr. Cynic babysat. Babysitting largely comprised of viewings of Kung Fu Panda, expected, and apparently Captain Comic added Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius.  


This morning, after our late night arrival home, Toots wanted to wake us - twice. The second time, she climbed into our bed with the Jimmy Neutron DVD case in hand.

Toots (points to the picture on the cover): Das Jimmy Neutron.
Mom: M-hm.
Toots: And das Carl.
Mom: M-hm.
Toots: And das Jimmy Neutron's dog, Tonnor.
Mom: I don't think Jimmy Neutron's dog's name is Connor. Daddy, isn't it something like Einstein?
Honey (slowly rouses from sleep): ................................................Goddard.
Mom: Oh yea, the dog is named after a famous scientist, Goddard.
Toots: We sing dat in pweschool.
Mom:  What?
Toots: Goddard.
Mom: What?
Toots: We sing Goddard in pweschool, before we eat.
Mom (light slowly dawns): OH!
Toots (sings): Goddard fadder, Goddard fadder, we thank you, we thank you.....
Mom (chuckles): That's God our Father, not Goddard, silly!
Toots: Oh.



Friday, April 29, 2011

of empires

Yes, I woke up to watch the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate.


I'm awake before six in the morning anyway, as the boys get up to get ready for school every morning. Just typically, I remain in bed a while longer doing that mom wants to sleep just a while longer but has one ear open to what's going on in the house thing. 


This morning, I took over the TV at six. Captain Comic was not pleased, as he usually is watching cartoons or funny animal videos while he downs a giant bowl of milk with some cereal in it. I was just in time to see Kate get out of the car in her gorgeous Princess Grace styled gown. I thought it as soon as I saw it, before the media started discussing that. Let's just say I have a distant obsession with weddings in general and gowns in particular. I am continually amazed at how the music and the pageantry, even when there is not much of it - which of course, today there was - just turn my eyes into waterfalls. I can't control it for anything. Go figure. I acted a bit of a goofball at both of my weddings to try to avoid the tears like the plague. It only worked a little.


Mr. Cynic and Captain Comic peppered me with royal family questions.


Mom: Look, there in the yellow hat is the Queen Elizabeth II, the Queen of England and (switch to punctilious voice) Ruler of the British Empire.


Capt. Comic: The British Empire?! There are still Empires?! The only Empire I know is the Galactic Empire! You know - Star Wars?!




I just want to add that with all that pageantry, etc, I thought W&K looked very sweet and comfortable with each other. And that is really what that whole to do was about: love.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

my kingdom for a cookie

While making cookies today:

Captain Comic: Isn't the United Kingdom the same as Great Britain?
Mom: Yes it is.
Capt. Comic: But why do they call it the United Kingdom. That sounds so medieval!
Mom: Because the Feudal System was in rule in the Medieval Age and during that time, they United the Kingdoms of the British Isles.
Capt. Comic: Oh. But why do they still call it that?
Mom: Well, they do still have a Queen in England.
Capt. Comic: Yea, but she probably has a laptop!

Addendum: Perhaps I should have clarified that when he piped in with the laptop comment, I could totally see him picturing her sitting on a throne with crown and a red robe a la the Cowardly Lion typing away....


Thursday, March 10, 2011

non-sequitur boy

After my phase one dental trauma this morning, I really wanted a treat to take the kids out for a treat.

Did you know it's Starbucks 40th birthday?  They are giving out treats on Thurs, Fri and Sat afternoons this week with purchase of a drink.  So I took the kids.  I really don't take them out for things like that enough.

Captain Comic usually tosses out some good non-sequiturs any old time, but he was in rare form today.

Piece of convo in the car on the way to treat:

Mr. Cynic: But mom, Frappucinos are so sweet they make me want to throw up, except the bottled ones.
Captain Comic (from the wayback in the minivan): Did you know that one milligram of antimatter costs three hundred billion dollars?


Captain Comic and I were walking through Starbucks to get some milk to cool off his hot chocolate. A man in a black trench coat and tie stood waiting for his drink to be made.

Captain Comic (mutters without eye contact as he walked past): Nice suit.
Man (looks around): Oh, thanks. It's really more of a sport coat.
Captain Comic (having already moved on): What's half and half?  Why is it called half and half? What is it half and half of?

Back in the van, KT Tunstall disc comes on.

Captain Comic: IS THAT LADY GAGA?!
Mom (bursts out laughing): I love you!
Mr. Cynic: OHMIGAWD! You are FAIL!
Capt. Comic: Why am I fail?
Mom and Mr. Cynic in unison: Because that's KT Tunstall!
Mr. Cynic: and if you FOLLOWED the MUSIC Industry AT ALL, you would know the difference IMMEDIATELY.

Aside:
Mr. Cynic: Mom, if you EVER get a Lady Gaga CD, I will have to slap you in the head with it.

Toots (listens quietly to the many exchanges, briefly pulls her two sucky fingers out of her mouth): CannI hab a sip uff yer toffee?
Mom: Sure. (it's decaf - hands it back to her in the middle row)
Toots: slurp noise
Mom: Is it good?
Toots: It's dee-wicious! (passes coffee back up and promptly returns sucky fingers to their original position.)

New song starts

Captain Comic: Is THAT Lady Gaga?!
Mom (bursts out laughing)
Mr. Cynic: OMIGAWD! FAIL!
Mom and Mr. Cynic: It's KT Tunstall!
Captain Comic: Oh riiiiiight. Mom?
Mom: What?
Capt. Comic: Do you laugh so much because I'm so random?
Mom: Absolutely. You are the most random person I know.  (chuckles)
Capt. Comic laughs with pride.
Toots: Ahre we ahmost home yet?  I want my juice.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

captain comic

It's a rainy Saturday, and my horoscopes and a tarot card all conferred and said I should use it to write.  So I am settling in at the local library with my manuscript. At home is cleaning. I called for Captain Comic from the bottom of the stairs, before I ventured out the front.

Captain Comic (darts from his room to the top of the stairs): What?
Mom: I'm going to the library to write. Please pick up your floor-
Capt. Comic: But Moooom, I tried!  It was too heavy! (chuckles)
Mom (chuckles, too): Okay, Okay...but seriously, pick up your room-
Capt. Comic: I just told you - I tried, it's too heavy!
Mom: Okay. Pick up your books and put them on your bookshelf, papers go-
Capt. Comic: AAAAUGH! okay, okay!

That's all.  Now I write.

Monday, December 13, 2010

my heart is big

My son Mr. Cynic made his internet debut. He made this for a group AP History project. He wrote the songs, he acted, etc. The first song is a snippet of a prior project about, if I recall correctly, the Spanish Armada. The guys included it for a laugh from the class.



Can a mother be more proud of the musicality and creativity of her child? I don't think so. I am soaring. Except that typo in some of the print stuff, but that must be one of the other kids.  ;)

It's on youtube.  Go ahead and share. 

Thursday, December 2, 2010

convo at the stop light

Mom: Stop doing that with your glasses!  You'll hurt your eyes!

Captain Comic: Well, I think it's time for for me to get new glasses.

Mom: Your right. That's coming soon. We'll get your eyes checked and you'll get new glasses.

Capt. Comic: Well, I hope when I do I'll be able to see stuff really clearly - like a car scratch from 300 feet away.

Mom: That won't happen, because you're NOT AN EAGLE! (laughing)

Capt. Comic (laughs, suddenly stops): Well, I wish I was.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

gem

Toots, at two and nearly a half, still squeezes my belly roll for comfort, especially when she wakes up. 

This morning:

Toots, excitedly, as she lifts my shirt edge : "Wook, Mommy!  Dere's my hand!"

Me:  Did you just find it?

Toots: Yes!  Yes I did just find it!

pause

Toots, adoringly:  I wuv my hand!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

a few weekend amusements


I kind of wish I had one of these at home sometimes, as Captain Comic looks right at home in it, don't you think?  And then Miss Toots managed to make even a stockade look Diva.
We don't usually do things like go minigolfing, but decided yesterday that something new was in order. We all had fun, even if little shade was available and we were quite overheated.  Toots was very pink in the cheeks after a few holes.  Captain Comic got a hole one!

Today, in the van, while sharing one of his cds with me, Mr Cynic, who plays bass, expressed, "When I hear a band without a bass, I die a little inside everytime." 

Later, while making myself a salad with goat cheese, Captain Comic wanted to try some goat cheese, though was hesitant about it.  First words out of his mouth after trying it: "Can we make a goat cheese cake?"

All in all, we've had a fun and relatively low key weekend.  How about you?


Friday, June 18, 2010

Who are these Mutant Spawn?

Summer, Day One:

Mr. Cynic has made lunches for everyone, stripped the cushion covers from the livingroom sofa, spot sprayed them, vacuumed his brother's room, vacuumed behind the stripped sofa and the stray dog hairs in the sofa, and is ready for more, without arguing about any of it.

Captain Comic has loaded some dishes into the dishwasher, is unloading the dishwasher, watered the gardens, helped me strip the base cover for the sofa frame, and has cleaned the unnatural disaster area which is his bedroom, including the shelves under his bed. And he hasn't thrown a tantrum or argued over any of it.  Of course, in watering the gardens, he mostly watered his sister.


Where has my Mayhem gone?  I want these clone mutants banished, and my real sons returned....Oh wait a minute, let me rethink this.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Ah, Captain Comic

The forecast for today's weather is hotter than hades here in Hampton Roads. 

This morning, Captain Comic greeted me wearing fleece sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt on backwards and inside out.  I sent him upstairs to dress more appropriate to the weather.

He returned with the same clothes, but the shirt's tag was no longer flapping under his chin.  It was still inside out, though.  And he had a pair of my underwear on his head like a one-eyed ninja mask.

Lord help me, he's never moving out is he?

Later, we had a discussion about Stephen Hawkings, in which I told him, as smart as Stephen Hawkings is, he still believes aliens will come to destroy us.

Captain Comic reflected, "Aliens will not come to Earth, because they have declared it an endangered species reserve."

Let it be known, any further questions of alien invasions hath been settled in a peaceful manner.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Milestones

Yesterday was full of milestones.

In the morning, five minutes prior to Toots's 9:30am clockwork diaper change, I was proudly presented with two handfuls of poop.  Time to start potty training in earnest.

I know, I swore I wouldn't poop post, but she's two!  It's all about poop these days!

Last night, my little darling ran around repeating, "Is evwone a weady a WOCK?!"

Translation:  Is Everyone ready to ROCK?!

When she got an appropriate response, of "I'm ready to rock!" or "Rocknroll!" she replied, as if she were the recently departed Ronnie James Dio.

"Okay then! LET'S ROCK!!!"  Though she doesn't quite have the maloika down just yet.

Captain Comic had a nice one, too.  When he saw Toots stirring from her nap, he gently uncovered her, said sweetly, "Did you have a good nap?  Want to see Mommy?"  And even though, she was slightly thrown by who was waking her, she let him carry her to where I was sitting.  And he did a nice job of that, too. 

There's hope for his gentility, yet.  ;)

Friday, May 14, 2010

one among a million

Parenting a child with Asperger's Syndrome can be challenging and loud and repetitive at times, but I am lucky enough that Captain Comic is one of the funniest kids on the planet, and keeps me laughing. 

Sitting at the computer, working on his Spelling homework, suddenly, the computer throws a window up at him stating Configuring Updates.

Captain Comic:  (ok, imagine a perturbed and exaggerated tone of voice, rather like George Jefferson of the 70's TV show, The Jeffersons.)  WHA?!  Configuring updates?  What's th- Oh no!  Now it's Shutting Down!  Mooom!

Mom: It's okay, that's supposed to happen.  Did you save what you were working on?

Capt. Comic: ooooooo!  No, I didn't!  Now I'm going to have to start my homework all over again!  eerrrrrggggh!  DAGNAB THESE FANCY GADGETS!

I burst out laughing so hard, Toots's nap was a bust, and even Captain Comic got over his computer issue and burst out laughing with me. 

I'm sure he'll be waving a cane and yelling "get off my lawn!" before high school. 

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

life with an aspie

Another priceless dinner conversation, courtesy of Captain Comic:

Mom observing as he lifts his plate to shovel peas into his mouth:
That may be efficient, but it's rude.

Captain Comic: Oh right, efficient - doing something not wasting time or energy.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Art is highly subjective

Toots has discovered a new art medium. 

I have discovered a mess of diaper contents no longer contained in the diaper.

Thank goodness for leather sofas.

And nail brushes.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

balancing on the head of a pin

1.  Want to edit my manuscript like crazy today.

2. Need to call Mr. Cynic at friend's sleepover and find out if it's time to pick him up, having overstayed his welcome.

3. Want to edit my manuscript like crazy.

4. Toots keeps coming over to hug and cuddle or is getting into trouble elsewhere in the house.

5.  Feel very inspired to work on this big redux on the manuscript.

6. Captain Comic keeps coming over, tapping me on the shoulder and asking to use the computer to work on his document.

7. Inspiration is jumping around, pinging off the walls internally to work on my massive manuscript edits.

8.  Grandma is home, too, not that that's bad, but it's another excuse for a lack of concentration.

9.  I really want to work on my manuscript.  A happy mom is an inspired writing mom.

10.  Laundry.  Summer clothes from attic.  94 degree forecast today. 

11. Can I work on my manuscript, pretty please?

12.  Gardening calling...or rather weeding to continue calling.

13. Pretty, pretty, pretty please, with whipped cream on top?

14. Who wants to go to the beach?