To Sleep, perchance to dream

Anyone who knows me knows I have not slept since the dawn of time, er, since I was pregnant with my toddler, C.

I don't want to complain, but some things are just necessary, and debilitating when you don't get them on a regular basis: food, a shower, exercise, and sleep.

Neither of my boys were good sleepers as little ones, either. But I am ten years older now. It was never in my plan to have a child in my forties. Yes, as wacky, dreamy, and spontaneous as I can be for the most part, I am ultimately a Quintessential Capricorn, and had a plan, especially the timing of having kids. My plan was to start having kids before I turned thirty, so I could be a fun mom and keep up with them. I barely accomplished that, as I didn't want to start too young either. I had K when I was twenty-nine. S came along when I was thirty-two, and after him, a lot happened in life, and I found myself remarrying at forty to a man who had no kids himself, but was so great with kids, it was a shame he didn't have his own. So we had one within a couple of years that included a lot of major life changes.

Well, needless to say, we're pooped. I'm old and I'm exhausted. I have a short fuse because of the sleep deprivation, and I don't like it. I don't like walking around with my head all foggy, not knowing what I was in the middle of doing when I opened the refrigerator door and stared blankly at the contents of the door, only to realize eventually that I meant to open the microwave, which is next to the fridge.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my daughter, and having a child this late brings a different perspective on raising her, which includes a lot more patience and knowledge of what's involved than when I was raising two little boys a while back. But I don't recommend having a child over forty, unless you're one of those people who has more energy than most and is able to make everything happen, and with flair and a smile that doesn't make you look insane.

I don't recommend having a child over forty if you ever want to sleep again before you die.

Sleep is restorative, and to walk in dreams is necessary, whether you are working out your Jungian truths of your daily life, or if you're some kind of artist, writer, etc, who will then write, paint, dance, draw, oh you get the idea. Sleep restores the creative wellspring, and right now, mine is dry.

- which is why I am complaining about a lack of sleep instead of dazzling you with a brilliant, pithy blog.