I'm definitely more than retro. These days that seems to be applicable if something is even 10 years past due. There are a couple of cans in my pantry that may qualify.
I think it is safe to say I am vintage.
I don't quite qualify as an antique, even if I am a bit lopsided and rickety these days. At least my drawers don't stick.
Should I make a list? I won't make a 45 item list. Should I write a poem for my birthday? Some time ago I used to write a poem as many lines as years on my birthday. That habit stayed in the past, when the poems were shorter.
I guess my one thought on turning forty-five is that I am glad, if a bit surprised by the number. I am glad because the more I hang around, the better I feel in my own skin. I am no longer trying to be something other than what I am. I am no longer an idea of myself. Or a hope of something else to be. I have been the yearning poet. I have been the bohemian. I have been the mom, and still am, I have been the student, teacher, lover, writer, cynic, optimist, enthusiast and quiet.
Yes quiet. When I am around others, I am a talker. I really am, I don't know why I feel the need to fill silence in so many situations. Because in other circumstances, I really do love the quiet. If I hang around a situation long enough, I start to quiet down and listen better. Honestly, these days, I don't tend to stick around long enough. When no one else is around, I really enjoy the quiet, especially these days, because rarely am I ever alone. But here's a neat thing I've found:
If my family is hiking or at the beach or some other adventure together, after the hustle and bustle settles down, after the things and stuff and directions are taken care of -
When we get together and just are - not eating dinner, doing homework, laundry, trying to get to school, work, the day, the usuals,
when we step outside of that and stop - or walk,
We get quiet. And listen -
the waves on the shore.
the laughing gulls.
the scuttle of a squirrel through the brush in the woods around a lake.
the fall of a branch.
the crow surprised, taking wing.
the red flash of a cardinal.
the changing light of the sky.
the wind's direction.
in that quiet
I find love
and everything I ever needed.
And that's why I am happy to be turning forty-five today.
York River, Coleman Bridge, my dog and kids, 10.2.2010
Addendum: Weekword is a weekly creative challenge that bops around the internet. On Friday go to Silver Linings 4 Me to see a wide variety of people's responds around the world. Enjoy!